Email This StoryMisperceptions abound in young adults' views on oral sex
April 29, 2008
By Alex Abdallah
Reporter
Editor's note: Names of Baylor students have been changed for privacy reasons.
Madison knew she wanted to save sex for marriage.
"I thought that boundary would be good enough, but it wasn't," she said.
A study in a 2007 Pediatrics Journal, "Adolescents' Reported Consequences of Having Oral Sex Versus Vaginal Sex," concluded that there is a critical need for sex education and health promotion programs to provide medically accurate and complete information, including information about oral sex.
From a health and legal standpoint, oral sex is considered sex. However, many students find the issue of oral sex confusing and ambiguous, due in part to the avoidance of discussion about the subject, particularly in religious contexts.
Dr. Burt Burleson, university chaplain, said he believes it is the responsibility of ministers and health professionals to educate young people on the issue of oral sex.
"Those of us who are in positions to make a difference often get disconnected from what is real," he said.
Burleson said it's not their lack of conviction that oral sex is sex, but a lack of awareness about college culture that keeps adults from talking to young people about it.
"The adults have been silent, and it has left young people vulnerable. It is unfair for young people to be left without the facts to protect themselves," said Pat Stone, educational director of Planned Parenthood in Waco.
Baylor does have a policy statement on sexuality; however it does not mention oral sex. The human sexuality professors at Baylor declined to comment on this issue.
Oral sex is included in the definition of sex according to the Texas Penal Code.
"Whether you are a Christian or not, the definition of sexual contact in the law is vaginal sex, anal sex and oral sex," Dr. Patricia Sulak said.
Sulak is a practicing OB-GYN and professor at Texas A&M Medical School. She also founded Scott & White Worth the Wait, a sex education program developed at Scott & White, a major research hospital based in Temple. Sulak founded the program 11 years ago after her children's principal asked her to address the lack of sex education in public schools. The program is taught to adolescents, parents, teachers and health care professionals, and its curriculum is also sold across the country.
"We believe in delaying the onset of sex for medical reasons," said Terry Buckley, nurse and program manager. "Our program is based on medical, legal and socioeconomic information."
Madison said she felt there was a lack of clarity on what exactly should be saved for marriage. She and her boyfriend started dating at the end of high school and have dated for two years. Neither of them had any previous experience with dating or the opposite sex.
"Basically all we knew was what our friends were doing. The majority of the people that I knew and that he knew were having sex, and if they weren't having sex they were doing everything but," Madison said.
As Madison and her boyfriend's relationship developed, Madison realized how ambiguous the line between kissing and actual sex seemed to her. Although she had received sex-education in high school, she said it stressed abstinence from a non-religious perspective. This was taught alongside information about condoms and contraceptives, which made it seem as though it was expected teenagers would have sex, she said.
Josh* said the only sex-education class he remembers was in the fifth grade, and he said it felt like a task that teachers wanted to get done as quickly as possible. However, shortly after learning about it in school, Josh said his parents bought a sex-education book that they discussed together.
"I am amazed how many people's parents never talked to them," he said.
Madison said she thinks the church should more thoroughly address sex as well.
"One of my biggest things with the church is that they don't give teenagers enough instruction in physical relationships," Madison said. "There are so many programs that really emphasize saving sex is for marriage, but they don't really talk about oral sex."
Madison said she found out about oral sex by going too far. She began to feel guilty later, and after personal research on the subject, decided to take a step back.
"It was really difficult and it really put a stress on my relationship with my boyfriend, but ultimately we became stronger for deciding to stop," she said.
The 2007 Pediatrics Journal study showed adolescents believe oral sex will result in fewer physical health, social and emotional risks than vaginal sex.
Bethany* was unaware that protection was necessary during oral sex.
"I did not know people used condoms during oral sex," Bethany said. "No one had ever told me that STDs can pass through other ways besides sexual intercourse. The thought never crossed my mind that it could be dangerous for me."
Josh* said he was aware protection was necessary during oral sex, and he was conscious of the health risks involved with oral sex.
"I would never even consider doing something like that unless I knew their sexual history," Josh said.
In oral sex, the same STDs can be contracted as in other types of sex. Buckley said transmission can go both ways. For example, if someone has genital herpes, they could pass it to someone's mouth, and vice versa.
Pre-marital oral sex also holds many of the same emotional risks as traditional sex.
Buckley said when two people have sexual intercourse, women's brains secrete oxytocin and men's brains secrete vasopressin. These neurohormones cause bonding, a physical brain activity that is felt as an emotion. This in turn causes people to desire more contact with the other person.
"You do feel closer physically, but that is not what a relationship is supposed to center around," Bethany said. Madison recognized the emotional risk only after having oral sex with her boyfriend.
"There will be emotional baggage that you will carry around from having been that intimate with someone who will not be your husband or wife, should you break up," she said. "I didn't think about that in the beginning."
After dating his ex-girlfriend for about seven months, Josh had oral sex with her.
"I went into the relationship really trying not to let that happen," he said.
At first, Josh said his ex-girlfriend initiated having oral sex, but it soon became a significant part of their relationship.
"Obviously from the first time it happened I thought it was wrong, but if you do it enough, you kind of get desensitized to it," Josh said.
Looking back on it, Josh said he feels extremely immature and he regrets the decision.
"Part of me wants to blame her for pushing me into it," he said. "Having it as a part of my relationship is definitely a big reason why we are not together anymore."
The study concluded that sex-education shouldn't only focus on physical health consequences, but also social and emotional factors.
However, President George W. Bush supports abstinence-only education, and the Texas State Board of Education has changed curriculum to try to make it more abstinence-only based.
Rev. Dr. Robert Flowers of the Methodist Student Center doesn't agree with abstinence-only education and neither does Stone.
"It is making a whole generation of young people graduate with a low literacy of sexual health," Stone said.
Stone said she believes American educators need to examine the European approach to sex-education, where it's treated as a public health issue, not as a political, moral or religious one.
According to the 1998 Kaiser Family Foundation's European Study tour, the European approach emphasizes the need for moral values such as love, respect, tolerance and equity when it comes to sexual behavior. Responsibility is emphasized, and adolescents are given free and convenient access to contraception.
"Research has shown when kids are given information and access to services, they can be trusted to make healthier decisions," Stone said.
The Scott & White Worth the Wait curriculum sold for sixth graders defines sex as oral, vaginal or anal sex. Buckley said many parents are concerned that oral and anal sex are even addressed. Buckley said while oral sex is in the original curriculum, some schools may choose to omit it.
Lack of clarification of the consequences of oral sex can also lead to health issues.
According to the study "Oral Versus Vaginal Sex Among Adolescents: Perceptions, Attitudes and Behaviors," in a 2005 edition of the Pediatrics Journal, adolescents view oral sex "as a way of preserving their virginity," and "are likely to interpret sexual health messages as vaginal sex." The study also noted that few adolescents who engage in oral sex are using barrier protection.
In addition, Sulak said that HPV can infect the mouth and throat, and according to the New England Journal of Medicine, some cancers in the mouth and throat are caused by HPV.
Buckley said even though HIV is transmitted blood to blood, it can still be contracted from engaging in oral sex if open sores are present.Because the issue is not being openly addressed, students may be more easily persuaded to engage in oral sex.
Bethany had been dating her boyfriend for about a year when he brought up the possibility of oral sex. She said she was apprehensive about it because she did not know what it entailed, and she did not know if it was acceptable to say no.
"Since no one had told me anything different, when my boyfriend said this does not mean we're having sex, I eventually went along with him," Bethany said.
Bethany said her church and parents only talked to her about traditional sex, which left her and most of her friends unsure how to handle other situations.
"Because sex was the biggest thing to me, I thought that was the only thing I could say no to," she said. "I didn't realize that acts such as oral sex weren't expected of a girlfriend."
Bethany said her boyfriend was not raised in a strong Christian family, so he viewed oral sex as something serious that needed to be thought about for health reasons, but not from a religious standpoint.
"Guys get girls to have oral sex because 'it's not really sex' and then they believe it," Buckley said.
Another issue that surfaced for Bethany was the compromise of oral sex.
"As far as giving or receiving, I had no idea what to expect in return," she said.
Bethany declined to receive oral sex, and Madison also said she mainly gave oral sex because she felt morally uneasy about receiving it.
Josh said that in his relationship, the giving and receiving of oral sex was equal, although for others he knew this was not the case.
"I guess (some guys) just don't find that appealing to do, but I don't know a single girl that enjoys giving," he said.
After doubting herself for some time, Bethany decided she should stop giving oral sex.
"I realized contrary to what many girls think that you don't have to give those physical acts to be in a loving relationship, and they really weren't helping the relationship in any way," Bethany said.
Religion Weighs In
Father Anthony Odiong of the Catholic Student Center said all sexual actions must be procreative. This means that within marriage, a couple can engage in oral sex as long as traditional sex is not excluded. Any form of sex outside of the marriage is considered sin.
"Using oral sex for pleasure outside of marriage is denigrating to the persons," he said. "Purely physical action just for pleasure reduces the human person to an object."
Madison said she took a spiritual approach in her personal search for what she felt comfortable with in regard to physical intimacy. However, many students find spiritual guidance the most confusing and unclear.
Madison also looked through the Bible to find clarifications about appropriate pre-marital relations.
"There is not a verse in the Bible that you can point to and say OK, that's how far," Madison said. "I would like to see more programs that help people set godly boundaries."
Burleson said sometimes when you try to look for a certain chapter and verse in the Bible, you do it injustice.
It's more difficult because there isn't a text that says 'do not have oral sex before marriage,' Burleson said; however, what you have in the Bible is a calling to be faithful to Christ in all that you do in life.
"The Bible is not primarily a rule book," he said. "It is a way of guiding us towards wholesomeness and holiness."
Burleson said our sexuality is a part of that even though oral sex is not specifically mentioned.
According to the 2005 ediatrics Journal study, participants believed vaginal sex was more against their moral, ethical or religious beliefs than oral sex.
Josh said while he does believe oral sex is a sin, he does not view it on the same level as traditional sexual intercourse.
"Whether you steal something, or lie, or have sex with someone, I don't think God differentiates between the level of sin," he said. "In God's eyes oral sex is on the same level as any other kind of sin, but in human terms it is less severe."
When she started her personal search, Madison said she looked at a lot of books dealing with dating and physical relationships from a Christian perspective.
"Some went too far in all of their rules and some did not go far enough, just because it was someone's own interpretation," she said.
The 2004 United Methodist Book of Discipline states that "although all persons are sexual beings whether or not they are married, sexual relations are only clearly affirmed in the marriage bond."
Flowers shared his views in light of current U.S. culture, and the fact that people are going to college and getting married at a much later age than even a few generations ago.
"The mores about pre-marital sex were established when people were getting married in their teens," he said.
Flowers said because it's difficult biologically to uphold this ethic, he is aware of teens who engage in oral sex after committing to a sexual purity pledge, because they feel that oral sex does not break the pledge.
Josh said he remembers wondering why his peers couldn't be more responsible with their sexuality.
"I remember thinking people should have some control but as cliché as it sounds, it's just different when you are put in the situation," Josh said.
During her personal search, Madison also began talking to close friends and family for guidance. She said once she started asking around, she realized no one has a clear understanding.
"One of the problems I think we have in the church is that we just do not talk about it," Flowers said.
Flowers taught a sex-education program in a church for three years to junior high and high school students with a curriculum developed by the United Methodist Church.
Regarding sexuality, the 2004 United Methodist Book of Discipline supports "age-appropriate and factual sex education opportunities for children, young people, and adults."
Flower said he does not believe that when it comes to sexuality, "anything goes." Flowers said United Methodists believe in the value of their collective beliefs, actions and practices, but also value individual freedom and the right to makes decisions based on prayerful, reflective beliefs.
"Sexuality is a gift from God and something to be respected," Flowers said. "A general principle would be whatever you do sexually with another person, be responsible and respectful not to dehumanize, denigrate or exploit another person."
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